A LESSON FROM OUR ANIMAL
FRIENDS
To understand
what works in a relationship, think of making your beloved attached to you essentially the same as making your cat Whiskers
attached to you. I have with cats practiced these lessons, the conclusion—if
conditions are right can be extended to a mate.
To
bond with your cat:
Bonding to a cat is much like building a bond with a 5-year old granddaughter. You do the things your granddaughter likes. You get down to
her level by acting childish and funny. By making the time spent together fun,
she will want to visit you frequently. You must enjoy the time spent with her
for the bonding process to work. I have observed a couple of parents establish
a bond with their children, and the children reciprocate by doing the important things that please their parents. The same with works for Whiskers: make those minutes together fun.
1. The essence of this process is taping into the well of loving
emotions. Whiskers will purr when in the loving emotional state. You must in a human way feel the same warm emotions. Once
you have developed the pattern of tuning on those emotions, you will enjoy those moments of interaction with Whiskers. It is similar to meditation and praying, but more rewarding.
2. Pet Whiskers frequently exactly the way she wants. At least twice a day spend over 10 minutes attentively petting
Whiskers. Get down to her level, make her feel like she is your boss, and you
her slave. Maximize her pleasure.
2. Acknowledge Whiskers presence when she is standing about or
rubbing your leg. Give her some gentle pets.
3. Learn cat language, and make friendly cat sound frequently.
4. When you enter her home after being away for some time, call
for Whiskers using cat talk. Look about for her.
Giver her some pets in a very respectful way.
5. She will want you to follow her into the yard, and elsewhere;
do it.
6. Play with her, drag a necktie about a minimum of 3 times a day
for a couple of minutes or till she tires of the game.
7. Feed her what she likes, in small portions. Sit by her and pet her if that makes her happy why she is eating.
8. Encourage her to sit on your lap; ask her using cat language.
9. Avoid using aversive conditioning. If you must, as when she uses your couch as a scratching post, get a water pistol and squirt her, but not
in a way that she knows that you are doing it. Don’t make it a game, by
on some occasions chasing her. Most things that you let them know you desire
that they don’t do it. Whiskers
won’t sit on the kitchen counter out of fondness for you. As for scratching, however, there is a strong natural proclivity. Have a scratching post.
10. By building a bond with Whiskers, you will notices that she
will show her love for you by not doing those things that annoy you.
ON CHOOSING A CAT:
If you don’t have a cat, get one. A neutered
male will be the most demanding and form the closest bond. The male Burmese is
a bit of a brat (like a 4-year old boy). Both the male and female kitten will
quickly learn to like taking a car ride (sitting on your lap while you pet him/her), and they also will with very little training
to stay draped on your shoulder when you go for walks if you put one hand gentle on him/her.
Siamese are similar. The longhaired cats (Persian and Himalayan) are the
most sedate and respectful of breeds. It is best to start with a male kitten. Male shorthaired generally need to be neutered.
The female is more docile.
HOW TO MAKE THIS PATTERN APPLY TO YOUR MATE:
It is much easier to start out and develop the right patterns of behavior that to try to dump
the wrong ones later.
Even with a new beloved who by habit is kind and considerate, it is far less likely that the
pattern of positive reinforcers and avoidance of aversive reinforcers will continue at a high level year after year, this
is human nature. Humans use too much aversive conditioning in their relationships,
a thing you wouldn’t do to your cat, not if you want to maximize the love of your cat.
Aversive conditioning has been demonstrated in the laboratory to produce avoidance and anger. The mildly aversive bickering, needling, fussing, and like is also to be avoided (see #10 of link). Aversive conditioning weakens the bond more
than its positive alternative.
By forming a duo with Pat, you can spoil your beloved as you do your cat and you will get back
love and consideration. Your attachment to Pat will be much greater. You will figure out an ideal reinforcement pattern for Pat, and Pat for you. As a team you will strive to maximize the sum of positive reinforcement and minimize aversive reinforcement. Minimize getting Pat to do something of lesser reinforcement. Let Pat pick the chores as being part of a team. The goal
is to have a bonding of Pat to you in a way similar as Whiskers is bonded to you.
The strongest reinforcers are those from petting and lovemaking. Practice the Tantra of love making. Focus on your
beloved during the process. Loose the distinction between my pleasure and Pat’s.
Seek to maximize our pleasure. Moreover, during copulation think of and
talk of love and of showing through your excitement how much you love Pat.
By being an astute observe, learn the patterns of your
behavior, including satiation and also Pat’s patterns. Then work on maximizing
the positive reinforcers, and minimizing the aversive. Do more things apart when
the positive reinforcement is minimal. Plot the course with Pat, rather than
drift in the sea of circumstances.
When choosing your Pat, make sure that person is fundamentally fair and knows that love comes
before all else. Work with Pat on the art of being a team. You can spoil
your beloved as you do your cat and you will get back love, and your attachment to will be much greater. You will figure out an ideal reinforcement patterns for Pat, and Pat for you. As a team you will strive to maximize the sum of positive reinforcement and minimize aversive reinforcement. Let Pat pick the chores as being part of a team.
The goal is to have a bonding of Pat to you in a way similar as Whiskers is bonded to you.
A loving relationship is incredible rewarding
