ON CHOOSING A MISTRESS
Benjamin Franklin
In Fart
Proudly, Writings of Benjamin Franklin You will Never Read in School; Ed. By Carl Japkse, Enthea Press, Columbus Ohio,
1990, p. 27.
1. Because
they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stored with Observations, their Conversation is more
improving and more lastingly agreeable.
2. Because
when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of
Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful
of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old
Woman who is not a good Woman.
3. Because
there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much Inconvenience.
4. Because
through more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with
them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known,
considerate People might be rather inclined to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners
by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
5. Because
in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part:
The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as
plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of
two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure or corporal Enjoyment with
an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of improvement.
6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin,
and make her for Life unhappy.
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections;
none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
8th and Lastly. They are so grateful.
