With a one-party state in our grasp, we can stop worrying about pushing the envelope on corporate subsidies. We must gather our courage to reach a day when we can be honest that massive tax cuts are designed to make us rich and bankrupt the government so that it cannot afford wasteful programs like Social Security. We should dare to eliminate any remaining barriers between our lobbyists and the government itself. Let's dare to hand not just Medicare and prisons but also the Army and public schools to corporate America. Why accept the end of the "era of big government," when we can dare to eliminate government all together?

We're not just about short-term handouts to corporations, we're about creating a Billionaire-friendly America — forever. And with George W. Bush in the White House, we're getting there. Fast. And when we do, our politicians and media companies will no longer be forced to serve Billionaire policies wrapped in the pearly white coating of the public interest. It'll be sunny-side up policies, everyday! At last we will be able to shout aloud that government is of, by and for the Billionaires.

What will our Billionocracy look like? Here are some of our favorite ideas.


Perfecting the System

• Allow corporations to run for office. Eliminate the current, clumsy policy of having a mere representative of Enron in the Presidency, or of Halliburton in the Vice-Presidency, or of Big Pharma in Congress. Allow corporations to run for elected office directly. Much more efficient (and think of the advertising potential! — "Speaker of the House AstraZeneca!").
• One Dollar, One Vote. Forget fiddly campaign finance law, and forget the electoral college. To truly ensure America has a political system that answers to wealth, each person will get a number of votes equivalent to his net wealth — those in debt get negative votes. Whichever corporation running for President, or Congress, gets the most votes — i.e. financial backing — wins. Simple.
• Pay appointed officials and public servants in stock options. Public servants from Colin Powell to EPA employees need the right incentive structures. How are they meant to focus on the best Billionaire outcomes when they get a guaranteed, flat-rate wage from the public purse? Salaries tied exclusively to the relevant corporations' stock price is the answer. A mix of defense, oil and construction companies for State Department officials; heavy industry companies for EPA employees, BigPharma for the Department of Health — you get the idea.
• Eliminate Corporate Liability. One of the costs weighing on our corporations is the right of any American to sue us for damages caused by us or our products. We are best placed to know what safety precautions are necessary and affordable, and activist judges should not be empowered to trump our judgment.
• Scrap all Social Programs. Who needs social security, public education and free health care? We certainly didn't. Rather than slowly starve these programs of funds with more wars and more tax cuts, we would simply ditch them all.

Specific Policy Areas

• War on Economic Terror at Home. While our attention is drawn abroad, workers under our very noses are terrorizing patriotic companies through union organizing, legislating to raise the minimum wage, and striking for health coverage. Their demands threaten the Constitution's guarantee of free-markets and private property and amount to nothing less than treason in this time of war. We would put the Department of Homeland Security on the case.
• Privatize War — Halliburton to invade Syria. Halliburton provides bases, supplies, food, vehicles, weaponry and ammunition to the army and has its own private security company to guard its installations. Our next war should be entirely privatized. This would insulate the administration from criticism, and allow Halliburton to sub-contract cheaper non-American combatants to absorb the casualties. The British Empire was built by the government allowing private corporations to conquer territory for their commercial gain; Billionaires would follow this example.
• Expand the prison-industrial labor force. Prisoners are the ideal workforce. They cannot demand raises or benefits, organize labor unions, or leave to find a better job. We would grow this invaluable pool of labor by expanding the war on non-violent drug users and by toughening mandatory/minimum sentences. This will be more effective than Bush's current plan to import and throw out immigrants according to the needs of corporate America.
• Introduce Efficiency Tracking for Public Schools. Rather than waste resources educating every child, we must recognize that most will end up in service jobs. Billionaires would help the government develop an early tracking program to weed these Potential Low-Wage-earners (PLOWS) at the age of 5 and save them the trouble and us the cost of formal education.
• Corporate Sponsorship of College Students. Replace what's left of federal financial aid programs with corporate sponsorship. We fund students' degrees, then they give us a minimum of twenty years free service.
• Move EPA inside Chamber of Commerce. Economic growth and environmental sustainability are compatible, but we should never lose sight of the money that can be made from wrecking the environment. Only experts can properly spot and exploit these opportunities. The Chamber is the right place for the EPA.
• Increase Oil and Coal Subsidies. We cannot afford to move towards energy efficiency or alternatives that would make America less vulnerable militarily, economically and environmentally. There's no money in that kind of stability. We would increase subsidies to our big energy companies as the best way of maintaining the status quo (and making a bit more money on the side).
• Repeal Unjust Ban on International Bribery. The current Foreign Corrupt Practices Act prevents us from bribing foreign officials. Since we bribe our own officials, it is racist and unjust not to offer the same currency - er, courtesy, to officials from poorer countries. Halliburton has blazed a trail in giving over $180 million in bribes to Nigerian officials. We should transform their act of civil disobedience into a full-fledged campaign to overturn this unjust law.