OLD TESTAMENT LAW & BUSH, satire
Pasted from Information Clearing House at http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/ a site
mostly on the Iraq War and US Unilateralism and Global Domination.
President Bush, I need some advice regarding God's
Laws and how best to follow them
Dear President Bush:
"ICH" -- Congratulations on your election victory and for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned
a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.
As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people
as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18.22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how best to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not
to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that
I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus15.19-24). The problem
is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice,
I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing
to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35.2 clearly
states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus11.10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?
7. Leviticus.21.20 states
that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus19.27. How should they die?
I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)
know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
P.S. I look forward to your answers because there are a number of other issues that I'd like to get
settled as soon as you've enlightened me on these ... Thanks again
Politican is another dirty word!
People get the politicians
they deserve, for in office the average person would behave like them.
Politican is another dirty word!