Soon your ___________________________________ will be returned to society. Because of the once close relationship, he will be released into your care.
Though he has greatly benefited from prison therapy, he nevertheless will need much support on your part to help him
transform into a productive, normal citizen. We provide the below information
to aid you in your task of transforming our CLUB FED graduate. The modification
of old habits is a slow process; DRASTIC CHANGES CAUSE ANXJETY. Kindness, understanding,
and patient are essential.
1. Prepare a small bathroom with cot, small
steel locker, small steel desk with small,
steel shelf above it, and one large box under cot marked on the outside Legal Papers. The door
will have a window slit of 6 inches by 2 feet and be of solid wood.
2. For the first few weeks he will drop whatever he
is doing at 3:45 PM and head to his cell. At 3:50 yell, Standup count! and at 4:05, Count clear! Repeat the same routine at 8:45 PM, and 11:15 PM. At the
11:15 count, lock him into his room. Averaging once in 3 counts, yell Repeat
Count, count not cleared, and take an extra 5 minutes.
lights on at 5:15 AM, but do not unlock his room until 5:45 AM.
4. Have in living room a small mailbox nailed to the
wall. Check the outgoing mail nightly to be sure its contents are appropriate,
than seal letters.
5. When mail comes for your felon, slice open across
the top the envelope, read, then
staple it all together. At 4:30, yell mail call! Wait
a couple of minutes then call out his name, and give him his mail.
6. Periodically walk through the house
jingling a bunch of keys. Other times yell monosyllabic words in a threatening
tone, slam dominoes on table, slam chair on floor, and like.
7. No metal, ceramic, or glass, only plastic utensils,
cups, etc. Serve cafeteria style. Give
only one portion. If he tries taking a second portion, SCREAM, Only one. Put it back!!!! Then give him a long
8. Serve powdered, scrambled eggs for half of the breakfasts,
the other half is Cream of Wheat; for lunch alternate between bologna, macaroni, hot dogs, and hamburgers; for dinner bake
all meat dishes in 6 inches of water. Be sure to use the maximum amount of cheapest
oil in preparing all dishes.
9. Outside the dining area, when you bring
him food, he will give you in exchange either stamps or cigarettes. Accept them.
10. Post by phone sign that All calls are monitored. Give him Approval Form on which he is to list the name, address, and number of each
whom he will be calling.
11. Warn those on list that he will be calling collect.
12. Supply him a special combination by
Master Locks which can also be opened by a master key.
13. Your Club Fed graduate is likely to hide markers, tape,
glue, Whiteout, scissors, shank in his room. Periodically search his cell and
divest him of those items that cant be bought at the commissary. During the search
check for surplus bedding, clothes, and reading material and remove surplus: the limit is 5 books, 5 magazines, 2 newspapers,
3 shirts, 3 pants, 5 socks, 5 briefs, 2 sweat pants, 2 sweat shirts, and 2 gym shorts.
No colors; only gray or tan or white.
14. Dont be surprised if prior to leaving the house, he hands
you his drivers license. Ask him where he is going, & either fill out a 3by3
pass form, or give him a 3by5 laminated card marked recreation pass, unit 2-B. When
he returns, demand the pass be turned in. If he doesnt have it, fill out form
labeled Incident Report.
15. Keep entry doors locked until move. Five minutes before the hour yell, Ten minute active move. At
5 minutes after the hour yell, Moves over, then lock the entry doors.
16. When taking your dear out to the library, explain that he is not to cut pictures from books or magazines, speak
with a stentorian voice, or palm the librarians tape, glue, etc.
17. Always take him to the same supermarket on the
same day of the week, and at its busiest time. Rehearse the procedure below with
the store clerks.
18. Beforehand, arrange with clerk to accept list of items,
which he is to fill. No items may be bought that are in a can, a glass jar, or
has a metal lid. The clerk is to adamantly refuse to add new items or to substitute
for outof-stock items.
19. Whenever returning from a visit, your
felon will expect to be stripped search. Be sure to search carefully his clothes,
and to tell him to, Lift your nut sack and spread them.
20. When your felon goes out, make sure he doesnt wear a
coat with a slit in its lining. When out with him, pay attention to the way he
eyes liftable restricted items.
21. In the late afternoon or when returning home, your felon
will place a flimsy folding chair in front of the television, then drape his shirt over its back. Dont touch the shirt!
22. Your felon watches only splatter films and sports. If you manage to get the channel changer from him, select the same.
23. If perchance, he finds you watching Public Broadcasting
or the Arts and Entertainment Network, there is, even if you change the station, a 93% chance that he will grumble epithets
such as: For faggots! Sucks! Asshole! In your mouth! And there is a 7% chance he will simply flex his muscles, glare, and
grab the channel changer.
24. If you are wishing sexual delight, put on mens clothing,
then say in a gruff voice, Let us take a shower, now.
25. In the shower he will expect you to submit to both oral and anal sex. Fortunately, he will be quick
26. Having never looked for employment,
he will expect to be handed a job assignment.
27. Your felon believes that all employees pocket
items, charge extra for deluxe service, and also for certain extra work. Collectively this is known as the hustle.
28. Based upon his prison work experience, steer him to jobs
that require mere presence, such as directing traffic at a roadconstruction site.
29. You should accompany your felon on trips to government
offices, just to show him that it isnt a waste of time. For years he had been
told by staff in prison: (a) too busy, come back tomorrow (the day Mr.-So-And-So is off); (b) it is Mr. SoAndSos task;
(c) were out of forms; (d) I dont know the answer, Ill find out next week; (e) cant because of regulations; (f) my office
is up stair, where the form are; see me there (hes rarely there).
30, Much worse than the staff are the guards. Thus he will naturally avoid encountering those wearing
a uniformstimulus generalization.
31. Dont feed him beans. Warn others who are indoors with him, that has developed, because there were no unoccupied spaces, the
habit of easenthemout.
32. You may politely make suggestion, but never order or
angrily take offenseexcept when acting the role of a guard. Any confrontation
by an equal will be considered a matter of honor, for which the resolution often is bloody.
33. He lived in a bathroom, thus he will enter it when occupied;
even use the shitter while others are washing up. Warn others to expect and accept
34 He will resist the suggestion of continuing his education or vocational training because
he believes that next to nothing will be taught and the class will be baby-sat by a former student. But if you offer schooling
as a substitute for work, he will take it.
35. Remember we learn through socialization,
and his has been the federal gladiator school. Their customs are quite different. He will consider his customs more valid than yours.
Each society holds on to its traditions, and members seek out likes.
36. His companions will be those shaped by like experiences,
not his old friends. Thus he will bring home a group of seedy, foul-mouthed criminals.
37. Dont expect civility; it is offensive to gladiators. There is an aversion for weakness, civility, and femininity, for they have consistently
been negatively reinforced by the prison population. Be strong and tough, like
him. Dont expect romantic signs, such as roses, curtseys, hugs and kisses. The cause for the high failure rate of renewed relationships is the failure of the
wife to adapt.
38. Change will come gradually over years, but never
completely. You must adapt and endure; better yet, act like him.
39. Remember, as every simpleton knows:
Chain a dog to a tree and you make him vicious. Now that your dear has been freed to live with you, good luck.