Every year there are hundreds of cases where Catholic boys get to know their Priest. Why are there so few cases of Catholic
girls satisfying their priests?
Jokes on television about the priests
read this in the paper this morning: New York City has a priest shortage. So you see, there is some good news in the world.
... To give you an idea how bad it is, earlier today in Brooklyn an alter boy had to grope himself."
you've probably heard, the Pope has asked all the Cardinals to return to Rome. You know how they got them all to come back?
They told them that there was going to be a performance by the Vienna Boys Choir."
"The Cardinals will
be staying at the Domus Sanctae Marthae, the new hotel at the Vatican, where turn down service means the bell boy isn't interested."
—Daily Show host Jon Stewart
"The U.S. Cardinals said they are going to develop a code of ethics to help them deal with the sexual
scandal. Wait a minute, I thought their already was a code of ethics, it's called the Bible."
had difficulty with his memory under oath today. He could only remember three commandments. Under oath, Cardinal Law said
'I do not recall' 43 times. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material."
"The House Transportation
Committee is now considering a bill that would allow pilots to carry guns for protection. I've got a better idea, why not
give guns to alter boys, give them a fighting chance."
"In Boston, it looks like Cardinal Bernard Law isn't
going to be punished. It turns out he's getting transferred to Rome, which is kind of like a promotion. He said today he wanted
to thank all the little people."
"The Church reaffirming celibacy — it's kind of like Clinton reaffirming
"The big Vatican summit wrapped up, closing ceremonies were Harry Connick Jr. The Vatican is taking
a tough stand now, three strikes and you're transferred."
the Catholic Church unveiled its new policy. Don't ask, don't confess."
"The Supreme Court ruled today that virtual child pornography is legal.
Bad news for the Church,
their crime rate will get even higher."
if you see an ad that says Cardinals looking for a choir boy, watch out, that has nothing to do with music."